What a yolk

You know all the clichés about young people not even knowing how to boil an egg when they first move out of home?

Confession time.

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I cannot boil an egg (and I moved out of home eighteen years ago, almost to the day).

Well... I can, but rarely how I intended it to be. If I'm aiming for soft-boiled to dip toasted soldiers into, I will end up with hard-boiled. If I need hard-boiled for sandwiches or salads, guaranteed they will be soft. Runny, even.

Annoying.

I don't understand how this can be. I have followed various basic egg-boiling instructions over the years, none of which seem to work for me. I have a feeling that it may be related to my perception of at which point the water can be classed as actually boiling. You know, simple stuff. Cooking 101.

Anyhow. That I have trouble with such a simple culinary skill as egg-boiling implies that I'm a lost cause in the kitchen, right?

Wrong.

I can make fabulous curries from scratch. I can make a mouth-watering vegetable gluten-free lasagne. I can make a mean Mexican - again, from scratch. I can make perfect risottos.

Cottage pie, pumpkin pie, coconut custard pie? Easy as, well, pie.

I can make all kinds of scrumptious cakes that leave you wanting more.

I can follow recipes to a T, but I can also improvise with what's in the pantry.

I like to think I'm a pretty good cook, so maybe it's just egg dishes I can't handle?

Nope. I make knock-your-socks-off frittatas, awesome Spanish omelettes, and scrambled eggs to cure the mother of all hangovers.

Clearly, I can handle eggs - just don't ask me about cracking them. For some reason - like with boiling - I don't have much luck. Perfect cracks with yolks intact when making scrambled eggs, but if I want to fry an egg? Or separate the white from the yolk? The shell will not cooperate, resulting in a mangled yolk.

I blame the shell, of course.

To be honest, I've never really had an issue with my status as Failed Egg Boiler. I was okay with it, because of all the other things I could whip up.

Until now. I have a fussy-eating almost-five year-old, the Faery. It's always been a struggle to get a decent amount of protein into her.

Recently, she's decided that she LOVES boiled eggs, and requests them with a frequency that has me breaking out in a cold sweat.

Pre-dinner exchanges go something like this:

Me, "Soooo... how about some fish tonight?" 

The Faery, "Umm... no thank you. I want an egg! An egg in a shell with toast to dip in it."

Me, "Ummm... I'm not very good at making them like that. Dad makes them better than me, and he can make you some on the weekend. You can have some scrambled egg, though. Or a cheesy omelette?"

The Faery sighs, "Ohhkaaaaaaay." So hard done by, I know.

Nonetheless, I end up seeing myself as just a little bit of a failure in her eyes. Mum can't even boil an egg - what a loser.

If anyone reading this knows a fool-proof way to boil eggs, enlighten me. Please. For the Faery's sake...