Beauty lashings

(Photo source: Etsy via Alyssa Edelan on Pinterest)

Am I the only one who is baffled when it comes to buying mascara? There is so much choice, my head feels like it will explode, so I keep putting off buying new mascara. You don't want to know how infrequently I replace it. If you believe everything you read in the beauty columns, my eyeballs should have imploded from bacteria by now.

It's hard enough knowing which brand to look to, but then each brand has a dozen different types. Some promise to lengthen. Some promise volume. To curl. To separate. Three times thicker? Twice as long? Lengthen and curl? Fatten and lengthen?

Genetically speaking, I drew the short straw in the lashes department. All three of my siblings have long dark eyelashes, whereas mine are blonde, short and sparse.

Clearly, I need all the help I can get. I don't actually wear a lot of makeup, but if there's a single item I'm going to apply, it's mascara (actually, I lie - concealer for the dark eye circles is an equal necessity).

So. I don't want to choose between lengthening or separating. Fattening or curling.

I want need a mascara that does it all. That's not too much to ask for, right?

With all this miraculous 'technology' and 'revolutionary breakthroughs' that are touted in cosmetic commercials, you'd think that by now, someone would have invented a mascara that does it all. How hard could it be?

Part of me thinks that cosmetic companies must be run by some fairly low-IQ people if they can't make something as simple as a one-in-all mascara... but deep down I know the truth. They're cynical, greedy companies that have worked out how to get women to buy three different versions of the same product.

I call it bullshit.

(Also, how stupid do they think women are if they expect us to believe that the false eyelashes adorned by whatever current starlet/It girl in their commercials are real lashes, and simply beefed up by their product? Seriously?)

All I want is pretty eyelashes.

And smaller feet. A girl can dream.